MANZiska!
by 6GunSally
Summary: Franziska gets into a spot of trouble and the only hope for humanity is the combined power of Miles Edgeworth and Phoenix Wright! Can these two put their rivalry aside long enough to save the world? A little something I had to get out of my head, in the vein of ATTACK OF THE FIFTY FOOT WOMAN. I'm cracked...ON HIATUS
1. Perfect Isn't Easy

** Perfect Isn't Easy**

Franziska Von Karma lay in her bed staring at the cool moonlight filtering in through the thin lacy curtains billowing in the breeze coming in through her open window. She'd won her latest trial, as it should be. Still, she couldn't help thinking that maybe it could've gone better. It could've been perfect. Instead of three days, she might've won her conviction in thirty minutes.

Her head hurt from the hard glares at this new defense attorney, a rookie named Galvan or Gavin or something. Her arm hurt from the constant but necessary slashing of her whip. Why were these people so stupid? Her knees hurt from her boots—why couldn't her little brother grow a pair and take the elevator like everyone else?

Sometimes, perfection was misery.

She turned to look at the clock, it was 3:23 in the morning. Too late to get a proper night's sleep and too early to begin the day. There has to be a better way to deal with all of this.

Her phone rang at 3:50. She rolled across the expanse of her California king and looked at the caller id. Oh, him again. She took the call, knowing that sleep was a futile endeavor.

"What do you need, Lang?"

"I can't call to say happy morning?" She could almost hear his wolfish grin spread across his face.

"Hmm, it is three in the morning here," she said, "Your timing is terrible."

"Oh, well... My apologies, sis. I no longer have an assistant to help me check things like that."

"What about your ninety-nine subordinates?"

"My men? Well, I'm traveling, so I'm alone right now."

"Hmm, poor little wolfie..."

"I'm in Osaka right now, I'll be in your neck of the woods tomorrow afternoon."

"Really? You think I care about this because, why?"

"You care, sis. Come get me at the airport tomorrow, around five."

"I'm not—!"

"Take care, sis."

Lang hung up before her sleep deprived mind could manage any more protests. Who did that man think he was anyway, making demands on her like that?

"Do you need to see a doctor?" Edgeworth stared at her from over the rim of his teacup, gray eyes full of concern.

"I don't need a doctor, little brother," she snapped back, "I don't have the problems you have, because I'm stronger and better and more-"

"Perfect," Edgeworth finished and gave a little smirk, "I know as well as you, dear. Perfect isn't easy. Sometimes, we all need a break. Go abroad and study the latest trends in the International Courts concerning the transfer of intellectual properties—you'll find it's quite interesting."

She had her arm extended, whip raised, but could only stare at him in shocked silence. He set his tea aside and took up a stack of case files. He took off his glasses and laid them on the desk.

"You get nerdier every time I see you," Franziska said.

"Don't judge me," he muttered under his breath and then flipped open the top file. He raised a hand and flipped it toward the door in a dismissal. Franziska glared but she turned toward the door.

But wait.

She paused and raised her whip. She snapped it hard so that it flicked Edgeworth in the ear. He all but fell out of his chair. At least she had something to smile about as she departed his office.

* * *

**_A/N: Thanks for reading!_**

Sorry for this weirdness I saw Pacific Rim again...


	2. A Supplement

**A Supplement **

"I take one a week now," Lang was leaning back in the passenger seat beside her, chest out and hands behind his head.

"Do you feel like you're stronger?" she gave him a sidelong glance. He did seem bigger, just a little. Not that Lang had very much to worry about in the physique department. The thought reminded her of their last case together and she smiled slightly.

"You should try it," Lang continued, "Just to get your sleep on track. You'll have more energy during the day too. Maybe we should give some to your fruity brother too."

Franziska laughed, "Edgeworth won't take any supplements, not if they haven't been tested and approved by the FDA."

"I just think that if I could get these to take off here in the States, this company can really break out. The boost to Zheng Fa's economy will be amazing. The international community will start taking us seriously."

"I never knew you were so political," Franziska said.

"I'm everything," Lang grinned.

She dropped him off at the Gatewater Hotel and he left her with a thirty day supply of a vitamin supplement called "Wolf Milk". Not very original, the market seemed saturated as it was—not that she paid very close attention. The bottle, except for the name "Wolf Milk", was labled in Lang's native language. It had a green label that reminded her of the salves and things one might find in China Town, but the picture was in the classic roman style, a depiction of Romulus and Remus and their wolf mother. She shook it in her hand, letting the capsules rattle I the bottle and then tossed it in the back seat.

She wasn't that desperate. Not yet.

"Brüderchen," she cooed into the phone when she got home, "Laßt uns gehen zum Abendessen?"

"Are you ready, already?" he said on the other line.

"Of course," she spat, "You're on your way, right?"

"Well, not exactly," he said, "I was late coming out of a... A meeting of sorts..."

"A meeting," she repeated, "Miles!"

"I just have to change my pants," he said, "I'll be along shortly."

"Did you soil yourself? Maybe you need a shower too?"

"No, it's nothing like that," he replied but didn't offer more, "I'll be there in forty minutes."

"Forty!" she groaned, "Miles Edgeworth you better wear a helmet because I'm going to punish you for your tard—"

"We can always reschedule, Franziska," he said. And leave me hanging? What a jerk, she thought.

"Fine," she conceded, "But if you're even one minute late—"

"Yes, we'll skip dinner and you can just beat me..."

"Stop making vulgar jokes Miles Edgeworth!"

"Was that offensive? My apologies, Franzy."

"I hate you," she said and hung up. A few minutes later the phone buzzed in her hand.

"Does this mean you'd rather rechedule?"

She glared at his text.

"Don't text and drive you fool."

He never answered her back.

* * *

**_A/N: Thanks for reading! I know it's a bit of a slow start, but we've got to get through some necessary exposition... Please review!_**


	3. What a Girl Needs

**What a Girl Needs**

Franziska carried her whip with her when she got up to answer the door. Edgeworth stood there in charcoal gray slacks and a magenta shirt. He had a stupid smirk on his face and one eyebrow raised.

"All you ever wear is pink," she said. He frowned slightly and walked into the flat.

She flicked her whip at his shins—mostly just to see him react and went to the closet to grab a coat. She'd been ready for the last forty minutes—well thirty-eight minutes and twenty-three seconds, Miles knew better than to keep her waiting.

She wore a shift in pale blue that shimmered silver when she moved, the coat she'd pulled out of the closet was a designer wrap in cream with a silver clasp. She'd even put her hair up. She shot a glare at Edgeworth, he was tugging absently at his tie. No doubt he would have shown up in his dratted magenta suit if circumstances hadn't forced him home to change.

He offered her his arm as they went out of the flat, but he had no comment on her outfit. He grumbled about it, but he joined her in the elevator and only tensed up once on the ride down. Neither of them really spoke until they exited the elevator into the building's grand lobby.

"You do have a jacket with you," she said stiffly. Edgeworth only nodded and dropped her arm from where it was resting in the crook of her elbow and grabbed her elbow as he pulled her out of the door.

The ride over passed in silence. She twisted the whip in her hands glancing at him to see if he was angry or nervous or something. He didn't seem to be in any discernible mood.

"Take special care with her," he told the valet. They were the first real words he'd uttered since he'd arrived at her door.

"Miles," Franziska said, "I do like your suit."

He paused in the fastidious motions of tugging on his jacket and looked at her, "Good, I was worried that you didn't."

"Hmmm," she said. They paused at the coat check and she removed the wrap and passed it over the counter. He still hadn't said a word about her dress. Nothing about the classic but daring cut. The light catching sheen of the fabric. There was nothing worse than feeling pretty and not having anyone around to acknowledge it.

"Perhaps you can just ignore it this once," Edgeworth said to the coat check girl. Franziska startled and looked at her.

"I'm sorry," the girl said, "but I can't let you take any kind of weapon into the restaurant."

"One can hardly call it a weapon," Edgeworth said starting to drawl his words, "It's merely an accessory. My sister will not be threatening anyone in the establishment."

"Oh, you're brother and sister?" the girl said and she smiled. Then Edgeworth nodded and smiled back. What? How dare he—!

Franziska glared at them and then realized they were talking about the whip. She swung the coiled whip at Edgeworth's head so he ducked away from the counter and then she all but threw it at the girl.

"Check it with my coat," she hissed at the girl.

She glared at Edgeworth until the girl passed the claim ticket along and then shoved him toward the maître d' standing at his podium.

"Move you fool," she hissed under her breath.

"Good evening," the maître d' said, oblivious to whatever argument she was having with Edgeworth.

"Reservations, for two," Edgeworth said, "Under Edgeworth."

Apparently, he was oblivious to whatever argument she had with him as well. Men...

Typical.

"Right this way, Mister Edgeworth," the host said.

When they'd settled at their table, a good table overlooking the beach and a few cliffs where the sun was rapidly setting, Edgeworth met her eye. He was glaring at her.

"What?"

"You needn't be rude to the staff—"

"Oh, I am rude? Du bist unhöflich!"

"Me? I never did—"

"You never even said that I look nice, and then we come all the way out here and you flirt with the coat-check girl!"

"I wasn't flirt—"

"All of this after you made me wait!"

He glared at her. So she glared back. Finally she was forced to look away from him and stare out of the window. Why did he always make her feel like this?

"Franziska," he pleaded, almost in a whisper.

"I don't want to talk to you, Miles Edgeworth!"

He only smirked and picked up his menu. She returned her glare to the top of his head. Her fists clenching and unclenching and longing for the feel of her whip.

"You do look nice Franziska."

She froze in her seat and then melted. Too bad Miles Edgeworth wasn't looking.

* * *

**_A/N: Could it be? Edgeworth and Franziska? O.o_**

_Let it be said, I need a reason for her to completely lose it. Hang in there while we get through the set up..._


	4. Misconceptions

**Misconceptions**

When their orders were taken and the menus removed from their tables, they were forced to interact with each other. Unfortunately, with Edgeworth, that might mean interacting sans conversation. Franziska wasted no time.

"So, what was your meeting about?"

He gave her a slightly puzzled look. It didn't last long enough.

"Oh, right," he said and leaned back in his seat, "A bit of silly nonsense over that stuff at the embassy a few months back. It seems I've been invited to meet a high level person in the Cohdopian government."

"Oh, hmmm..."

"I'm sure you'll be invited too," he continued almost defensively, "It's not for a while yet—you how these sort of... ceremonies... go."

"Well, I'm sure you're very proud of whatever attention you can get," she said and raised her nose slightly in his direction. He frowned.

"I don't really have a choice in the matter... It's nothing you should get upset over," he said.

"Who said I was upset?"

Edgeworth folded his hands in his lap and nodded sagely at them. Her ire was starting to rise again. She leaned toward him across the table.

"Are you even going to try and have a conversation with me?"

"What do you want to talk about, Franziska?"

"Something..." she said, "Anything..."

He stared at her. She watched his eyebrows shift from relaxed to a 'V' and then relax again. She could almost hear the wheels turning in his head.

"Do you remember Shi Long Lang?" She said finally, when it seemed like he'd continue thinking about what to say to her and never actually speak.

"Yes, of course," Edgeworth said, "He gave me his card."

"He's back in the area."

"Oh," Edgeworth was glancing sidelong toward the window, "How nice...?"

"He's gotten a little political, lately. Agent Lang cares so much for his country," she said.

Edgeworth nodded. He had his hands on the table again and was staring as he pushed the fingertips from one hand into the fingertips of the other. Franziska frowned at him.

"I had to help him get a room at the Gatewater," she said with a rising bravado, "He's basically lost without me. Just like he was on our investigations."

Edgeworth met her eye. His brow furrowed again.

"That's very nice of you..."

"Do you like Agent Lang, Miles?"

"Well," he said slowly, "I don't dislike him."

"He is a very interesting man," Franziska said pointedly, "and he has ninety-nine subordinates of his very own."

Edgeworth cleared his throat but didn't speak. He didn't even bother to look at her.

"Sometimes I think you can learn a thing or two from Agent Lang," she said finally, hoping to see him react.

Edgeworth smirked at her, "Are you trying to ask my permission to date Agent Lang?"

Franziska almost stood up in her chair and she swung her arm around as if she was whipping him—but her whip had been checked with her coat.

"DATE?! You... PERMISSION!?"

Edgeworth's eyes had widened fearfully and he leaned as far back away from her as he could.

"You can do whatever you want Franziska! If you like Lang, good for you, I support it!"

"Miles Edgeworth!" Franziska was leaning toward him now, like a cobra about to strike, "Why are you trying to get rid of me when WE'VE BEEN DATING FOR THE LAST TWO MONTHS AND YOU HAVEN'T EVEN KISSED ME YET?!"

"Kiss you?" Edgeworth said hushed in his shock, "Wait... You thought we were dating?"

"AHHHHHHH!" Franziska screamed at him.

Edgeworth leaned forward and patted her hand, "Please, you're making a scene."

The waiter arrived with their meals. They both sat glaring at each other while their food was served. Edgeworth's eyebrows twitched slightly and Franziska was almost panting in fury.

Edgeworth picked up his napkin after thanking their server and started to spread it on his lap. Franziska stood and leaned over to grab his plate and slam it into his face. She sat back down and watched him. Linguine was hardly a replacement for a whip, but it did the trick. She felt relieved.

Edgeworth sat completely still for several moments more. Then, calmly, he wiped his face with his napkin and glared pointedly at her.

"This, Franziska darling," he said, his voice low and incongruously calm, "Is why we're not dating."

* * *

**_A/N: Ahhh! Edgeworth is such a jerk! Please review._**

_Don't worry, all of this Franworth/Edgeziska craziness is all for exposition..._


	5. True Bromance

**True Bromance**

Phoenix Wright entered the office with only a tap and a moment's hesitation at the door.

"Oh hi, Miss Von Karma," he said and he gave her his stupid crooked smile and ran a hand over his spiky hair.

"What do you want Wright?"

"I was looking for Edgeworth—this is still Edgeworth's office, right?"

Franziska only glared at him. Only a fool like Edgeworth would decorate an office in such a manner.

"He stepped out for a moment," she said finally.

Wright stuck his hands into the pockets of his blue suit and made a beeline for the sofa. Franziska readied her whip. He paused and stared at her nervously.

"It's alright if I... wait for him?"

"Fine," she replied with not a little venom. She was still a little—okay well a lot—upset about her 'date' last night, and seeing the only other man that could make her feel that way—the idiot who managed to break her perfect record—wasn't helping her mood.

"So, how is everything?" Phoenix said. His voice wasn't overtly cheerful, but there was something optimistic in his tone—and that grated on her.

"I didn't say you could speak to me, Phoenix Wright," she said and raised her whip.

"Oh, my bad," Phoenix muttered under his breath.

"What do you need from Miles Edgeworth?"

Phoenix made a face at her, "So I can talk now?"

Franziska let fly her whip.

"Ow!"

Then she brought it over her head in a loud 'SNAP'.

"See here, Franziska," Edgeworth said entering the office, "There's no need for you to be swinging that thing around—Wright."

Franziska stared. Edgeworth just noticed that Phoenix was in the room and the two men were silently bristling at each other—like rival dogs meeting in an alley.

"Miles," Franziska said and smiled, "Phoenix Wright came here to visit you."

"Hmmm," Edgeworth said.

"Hey, Edgeworth," Phoenix said.

"What can I do for you, Wright?"

Phoenix grinned. Edgeworth frowned. Franziska laughed and they both turned to look at her in surprise.

"You two..." she said and laughed again.

"What?" Phoenix said his large brown eyes fixed on her for a moment—but it was long enough to snap her out of her jovial mood. One could drown in eyes like his. One might drown and like it.

"Franziska," Edgeworth said, "I told you to leave my office over an hour ago. I'd appreciate it if you'd comply now."

"And miss your little bromance?"

Edgeworth rounded on her with an icy glare. Phoenix looked like he wanted to laugh. Franziska snapped the whip at an arbitrary spot near her little brother's feet.

"I have a meeting with my colleague, Mister Wright," Edgeworth said, "If you would be so kind as to retreat to your office—"

"Phoenix Wright," Franziska said, "Are you here for legal advice?"

"Kind of," Phoenix said, "But not really."

"Don't you think you would benefit from discussing it with the most perfect prosecutor in the—"

"Please Franziska," Edgeworth said, "I would like to spend a few minutes without you hovering around like a nasty little fly."

Phoenix's eyes grew very round. Franziska's whip hand twitched. He wanted her to swing that whip—she wasn't going to give him the satisfaction.

"Very well, Little Brother," she said and turned toward the door to depart, "I will give you and your 'colleague' a little 'privacy'. Perhaps he'll have more luck with you than—"

"Franziska!" Edgeworth said.

"I don't want to know," Phoenix said, loud enough for her to hear as she closed the door.

* * *

**_ A/N: Poor Phoenix, he almost got caught up in Edgeziska craziness... Thanks for reading! Stay tuned!_**


	6. A Bluff

**A Bluff**

Franziska poked her head out of her office again. This time she could see Phoenix Wright's blue sleeved arm in the corridor and several spikes from the back of his head. The spikes bobbed up and down in a nod and then Wright left Edgeworth's office all together and made his way toward the elevators.

She rushed out of her office, but stopped in the corridor when the ruffles from Edgeworth's cravat wafted into the corridor.

"Wright," she heard Edgeworth say and Wright stopped where he stood in front of the elevators and turned toward the disembodied ruffle, "Don't say I didn't warn you."

"I think I can handle a little twerp like him, Edgeworth," Wright said and turned to push the call button, "But I'm touched by your concern."

"Shut up, Wright," Edgeworth snapped. He started to slam the door shut, but Franziska stopped him from closing it and sidled into his office.

"What is going on, Little Brother? Is something amiss?"

Edgeworth only glared at her. Eventually, he turned and walked toward his desk. He seemed to forget she was there as he removed his jacket and pushed the cuffs of his shirt up his forearms. He was ignoring her.

Again.

"Miles Edgeworth!"

"It's very rude to eavesdrop, Franziska," he said. Ever since their disastrous dinner the previous night, Edgeworth started taking a more formal tone with her. Like he was trying to distance himself. Franziska, for the life of her, couldn't figure out why he was upset about their little misunderstanding. He was the one who started it, after all.

"I wasn't—"

"Don't try to deny it," Edgeworth said, "Why else are you lurking in the corridor like a—"

"Don't call me names Miles Edgeworth!"

"I have work to do," Edgeworth said, "I don't want to play with you right now..."

Franziska uttered an exasperated noise something between a squeal and a screech and started to lash her whip frenetically at Edgeworth. She didn't stop until he was a quivering mass of lawyer on the floor.

"Fran... Ziska..."

"Don't condescend..." she said and ran out of his office. Well, if Miles Edgeworth wouldn't talk, she knew someone who would.

She caught him up in the lobby of the prosecutor building. Fortunately for her, Wright had stopped to chat with the receptionist.

"Phoenix Wright!" Franziska shouted from where she stood in front of the elevator doors.

"Um..." Wright looked around as if she'd called out a name that only sounded like his.

"Don't play dumb with me Phoenix Wright!"

She lashed her whip in the air and he cringed against the reception desk.

"Heh-hello Franziska," Wright said, "Did you need something from me?"

"I don't need anything from you, Wright!" She said and approached him like a stalking tiger, cornering him against reception.

He had the audacity to smirk at her from where he was crouched. Something held steady in those big dark eyes. He's bluffing again...

"I wasn't going to point out that you just ran here all frenzied while yelling my name across the lobby. While it might not match exactly with similar fantasies I've had-*ahem-it's kind of obvious you were looking for me."

She raised her whip and made a noise like a snarl in her throat, he flinched before giving her his winning smile.

"So," Phoenix continued, "Either you've got some important legal issue that concerns me—or my client—or you've decided to confess your undying love after all of these years."

"I have no love for you Phoenix Wright."

"Eh," Phoenix said with a shrug, "Your loss..."

* * *

_**A/N: I love Phoenix Wright!**_

_ Come on, who doesn't?_


	7. Freeway Drivers

** Freeway Drivers**

"Why should I be concerned about it?" Phoenix said and he crossed his arms in the passenger seat. The seat itself was still leaned back the way Lang had set it—she hadn't bothered to readjust it.

"Because I said so!"

He glanced sidelong at her and stopped talking. Franziska's hands tightened on the steering wheel. Edgeworth was the one who always scolded her for trying to whip people while driving—so whatever on earth possessed her to throw the whip into the backseat was starting to grate on her psyche.

"I have this case involving magicians that's going to trial the day after tomorrow," he said, "I only wanted to ask Edgeworth what he knew about this new kid I'd be up against."

"Oh, Klavier Gavin?"

"Yes."

"He is a foolish fool who spends too much time playing silly games."

"Oh," Phoenix said.

"Did Edgeworth tell you differently?"

"Um yeah..." Phoenix said, "Well, not exactly. I mean, Edgeworth is always more thorough."

"Hmmm..." Franziska said, "Did he say anything about me?"

"Who? Edgeworth?" Phoenix said, "I don't see how that's relevant—"

"ANSWER THE QUESTION!"

Phoenix stared sidelong at her for several moments, "No."

Franziska stopped the car so abruptly several drivers behind her honked and the smell of burned rubber leaked in through the vents.

"What the—"

"Get out Phoenix Wright!"

"I thought you were going to drive me to—"

"Out!"

"But we're in the middle of the—"

"OUT!"

"What's gotten into you Franziska? Usually you're so cool—so poised... Is something wrong?"

Franziska startled and turned to look at him. He was staring at her with concern—made more sincere by those big brown eyes. He really was worried about her.

"Nothing's... wrong..." her voice faded as she lost her train of thought, "Edgeworth is mean."

Phoenix laughed softly—it wasn't cruel or condescending—he laughed like someone who shared the same feeling.

"Don't get yourself all worked up over what ol' stick-in-the-mud said to make you feel bad. He's only protecting himself."

"Do you think so Phoenix Wright?"

"Of course, I've known the guy for ages..." Phoenix seemed to relax in his seat, "And stop using my whole name, it's creepy. You can call me 'Nick' like everyone else."

"Nick..." Franziska said as if testing out the new moniker, "Nick."

"Yeah?"

"Do you think I'm pretty?"

"Huh?" Phoenix sat up and stared at her, caught off guard, then he smiled, "Sure. But what does it matter what I think? A strong, upstanding woman like yourself doesn't need a guy like me to tell her she's pretty."

Franziska was floored. She stared at him for several awkward moments and then leaned forward locked him in a kiss. She threw her arms around his neck. He resisted.

At first.

When they broke apart their eyes locked and they stared at each other for several long awkward moments. Franziska couldn't believe she'd never noticed him like that before. This was the first man to truly subdue her. He was the first to beat her in court. Of course he had to be special.

Phoenix grinned at her sheepishly.

"Say, um, Franziska," he said, "Do you think you could maybe start driving again. I kind of get antsy when I'm parked in the middle of the freeway."

* * *

**_A/N: All part of my evil plan... MWAHAHAHA..._**

_Please Review!_


	8. Ugly Breads

**Ugly Breads**

Phoenix sat on the couch in his office and stared at the wall above the TV. He hadn't bothered to remove his shoes or his jacket. He just walked in and plopped on the couch. He blinked. Then he brought a hand to his mouth where he could of sworn he could still feel the lingering brush of her lips the taste of her sweet mouth.

Needless to say, Phoenix Wright hadn't been kissed like that in far too long.

He didn't know what possessed him to do what he did next—but he had to do SOMETHING.

"Hey Edgeworth," Phoenix said into the phone when it picked up on the other end.

"Don't you have work you should be doing?"

"'Should do' and 'have to do right this second' are two different things," Phoenix said.

"Well," Edgeworth said, no less indignant on the phone, "to me on the other hand, they are basically the same. So if you've nothing of import, please refrain fro—"

"Hey Edgeworth," Phoenix said, "Are you and Franziska… Are you guys… Are you a thing?"

"What?"

"Are you guys, like, dating or something?"

"Is that where she went earlier? To cry to you?"

"Huh?"

"It's none of your business Wright!"

"Well okay," Phoenix said, "But she just made out with me on the I-5. We almost had an accident."

"WHAT?!"

He heard a clattering on the other end, probably the phone hitting the desk. Edgeworth's voice was suddenly distant and tinny and Phoenix heard him shout, "Franziska! Get in my office at once!"

There was shuffling as Edgeworth picked up the phone, "I'll deal with you later Wright!"

He hung up. Phoenix stared at the phone is his hand. So they _ARE_ dating…?

It probably wouldn't have worked out anyway, he thought as his newly acquired infatuation suddenly cooled. He shoved his phone back into his pocket and got up to make himself a sandwich.

He opened the fridge. Siracha, mayonnaise and honey mustard. Slim pickins' as usual. He found the end of a bag of sliced bread. There was one whole slice and two ugly breads left. Phoenix pulled out the one slice with a frown—he'd save the ugly bread for when he was truly desperate.

He brought his half a mayo sandwich to the computer and turned it on. He stood watching it boot up while he ate.

Why shouldn't he be allowed to date Franziska? Why wouldn't a girl like that want to date someone like him? What did Edgeworth have that he didn't have?

Phoenix swallowed the heel of his mayo sandwich and frowned. Edgeworth probably wasn't subsisting on mayo sandwiches. He probably threw away ugly breads. Or gave them to the poor. Or fed them to birds. Edgeworth probably fed birds in his free time. Or ducks.

Stupid Edgeworth!

He was just about to sit at the computer when his phone rang in his pocket.

"Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney!"

"Idiot," Edgeworth said.

"Hey Edgeworth," Phoenix said.

"Is that really how you answer the phone?"

"Well…" Phoenix said trailing off sheepishly.

"Never mind that—I haven't got a lot of time," Edgeworth said sounding three notches snootier than he normally did, "Do you have dinner plans this evening?"

Wha—? Phoenix felt the heat rise to his hairline, "Um, no…"

"Would you care to join Franziska and myself for dinner this evening?"

Phoenix was too shocked and excited to hear the forced congeniality in Edgeworth's voice.

"Um, yeah" he said his throat suddenly dry, "Sure, I'd love to."

"Six-thirty," Edgeworth said, "at the Mid-Town Bistro, don't dress like a bum."

"Okay," Phoenix said. Edgeworth hung up. Phoenix grinned at his computer. This was so cool! Time to see how the other half lived.

* * *

**_A/N: Poor Phoenix… Also part of my plan…_**

_A mayo sandwich is what you eat at the end of the month when all you have left in the fridge are condiments and the ugly bread…_

_Ugly bread—for those not familiar with American fine dining, are the very ends of a loaf of sliced bread. They're usually thin and curly and all crust._


	9. Tattered Rose

**Tattered Rose**

Edgeworth said 'don't dress like a bum'. Phoenix frowned at the contents of his wardrobe and decided to change the shirt he was wearing for a fresh one. Normally, he'd just take the bus downtown, but he was on a schedule so he opted for the relative luxury of a cab.

Edgeworth was easy to find—he had on a pink shirt and stood with his arms crossed and glared at everyone passing by. Franziska was a dream in a short blue and white dress with spangley things that showed off her pale legs that could probably take a guy to the moon and back.

He grinned at her and handed her a white rose. Edgeworth said nothing, but his glare could've cut through glass.

"How nice Phoenix Wrigh—eh Nick," Franziska said.

"Nick?" Edgeworth said, "So we're just going to star—"

"Hey Edgeworth," Phoenix said, "I got you one too."

He handed Edgeworth a white rose. Edgeworth glared at him before taking the flower by its long stem and whacking Phoenix in the face with it. He let the tattered bloom fall to the ground and stepped on it as he ushered Franziska into the restaurant.

Phoenix frowned at the rose on the ground before following them inside. This was a date, right? Sort of? What's wrong with flowers?

Edgeworth was such an asshole.

They waited in awkward silence for the host to seat them. It seemed like every time Phoenix started to speak or when Franziska turned to look at him, Edgeworth would stop them with his evil stuff-stopping glare.

Jerk.

Someone must have foiled Edgeworth's plans because he seemed miffed when they were seated at a round table.

"So Nick," Franziska said cheerfully using his name while Edgeworth fumed visibly behind his menu, "When do you go to trial?"

"The day after tomorrow," Phoenix said smiling, "Do you have anything going on in the near future?"

"It's rude to talk about work at the table," Edgeworth said.

"Oh, Brüderchen," Franziska said and Phoenix felt possessive suddenly as she put her hand on Edgeworth's arm, "I've never heard you talk about anything else."

"Not true," Edgeworth said tapping his temple in that annoying way he had when he thought he was being clever, "I might speak of the law, but not directly about work."

"So, um, Brüderchen," Phoenix said and got a face full of Edgeworth's menu before he could say anything.

"Wright!"

"What the heck Edgeworth!"

"Sorry," Edgeworth said in a tone that said he wasn't, "I didn't see your stupid face on _MY_ side of the table."

"Your side? This is a round table there are no sides!"

"Could it be?" Edgeworth said, "Phoenix Wright has come to a logical—"

**CRACK WHOOSH!

"Stop it!" Franziska said.

"Ow!" Phoenix said.

"Nnnghh!" Edgeworth said.

"I just want to have a nice dinner," Franziska said, "With my two boyfriends."

"I'm not your boyfriend!" Edgeworth said, "And you're being ridiculous."

"You think I'm your boy—hey! Ow!"

"Shut up, Wright! Franziska we should talk about this—in private."

"Miles, I think you can learn something from Phoenix Wright. That's why I wanted him here."

"Phoenix Wright—!" Edgeworth slammed his fists on the table, "What could I possibly learn from Phoenix Wright!?"

"Dude, I'm sitting right here…" Phoenix said, "You can try not insulting me while I'm present."

"Wright, I—"

*CRACK

"Franziska—"

*CRACK

"Edgeworth can't you—"

*CRACK

* * *

_**A/N: Most. Awkward. Dinner. EVAR!**_

_My goal was to make all three of them the third wheel…_

_Yes, I giggle like an idiot while I write these…_


End file.
